the cult of travel is finally dying

and I'm happy about it.

my mom has always loved traveling, and at one point in her life, one of her goals was to get me and my brother to see as much of the world as she could. I know it because she herself has told me as much.

“your grandma”, she explained “would never bring me and my brother to any of her trips, leaving us at home, and I’ve always felt a type of way about it. so, I want you and your brother to get to travel the world with me”.

and while I know she meant well back then and always will, I don’t think her love of travel or desire to see the world has transferred to me at all, despite all her efforts.

before I even turned 14, she and my grandma had taken me on numerous trips around my beautiful country, as well as around the world. I’d been born and raised in Qazaqstan, right in the middle of Central Asia no less, and by 14 I’d been to: Turkey (2 or even 3 times), Thailand, Egypt, Russia, Dominican Republic and the US.

my journey as a traveler began as a toddler. apparently when I was 2 or 3 my grandma had taken me on a train trip somewhere for a couple of days - a decision she would come to regret because no matter how chill of a baby I was (so I’ve been told) traveling with a toddler is A LOT. I think baby me got sick by the end of it, and from what I recall of grandma telling me about it she was just relieved to be back home.

the next attempt she took was years later when I was in 2nd grade - grandma and I went to Turkey together and that went a lot better. that trip was the first time I’d learned a word in English - “skirt”. a Turkish girl a couple years older than myself made friends with me and taught me because she noticed I would wear skirts every day and would compliment me about it.

I forget the order of the trips to Thailand Egypt and Turkey again, but on the Egypt trip I got chickenpox, so while my family got to explore coral reefs and pyramids, I was stuck inside watching TV and listening to Taylor Swift. after that trip is when I became a fan and have stayed one since. the album of the moment was Red, and it is still my favorite over a decade later.

I understand why people have a desire to travel, despite lacking said desire myself. I could think of multiple reasons off the top of my head:

• wanting to break away from the mundanity of the same routine of: work → home → work → home and experience excitement

• the desire to see the world and the beautiful nature, buildings, cultures, peoples and experience the food and weather and ways of life that are radically different from one’s own

• admiration of a specific culture or an aspect of a specific culture and wanting to visit the place where this thing came from (like when people who like anime want to go to Japan or k pop stans want to go to Korea)

• the desire to learn another language by being in an environment where you can be fully immersed in it

• to get cheaper medical treatment

• to get cheaper cosmetic procedures done

• the desire to see specific landmarks (the pyramids, the Eiffel tower, the statue of liberty, etc.)

• the belief that traveling will make you a better person or contribute to your personal growth somehow

at the same time though, I wonder: can you do those things without travel? do you really need to do those things? are they essential to life? are they motivated by the toxic FOMO mindset that’s been seeped into everything in our capitalistic society? can you appreciate a culture without wanting to “own” a piece of it (a souvenir, a picture with a landmark, etc.)? are there other ways to better yourself as a human being and get out of your comfort zone without travel? and does travel even really do that?

frankly, I can come up with counter arguments to every point I listed, besides needing specific medical treatment that’s only available in a certain country or is a lot cheaper in a certain country for survival.

I don’t think I’m writing this to convince anyone that travel is bad, or to never travel again, it’s more so to convince you that I’m not crazy for disliking it.

because for the majority of my life, everywhere I looked I heard messages about how good it is for you, and how everyone should aspire to do as much traveling as they can in their life.

I was exposed to travel bloggers and vloggers for as long as I’d been exposed to the internet (which is the majority of my life). only back then they were motivated by photography and videography - trying to get the most beautiful shots of nature, and life abroad, whereas now a lot of them are motivated by trying foods from different countries. (this goes into how food is the real luxury / status symbol nowadays, but that is a topic for another time).

and lately, whenever I’ve attempted to get back into the dating scene, whether it’s by getting on the apps, or attending singles events and blind dates, a sentiment I often hear (as someone who dates men at least) is that they are looking for “someone to travel the world with”, a “travel buddy” or “someone who wants to see the world”. (it’s either that or they are a movie guy, and I am not a movie person so when they quiz me on my favorite movie, and I have nothing to say it gets awkward and kind of ruins the vibe. my dating misadventures are also a topic for another time, I fear). the sheer frequency of men (and people overall, like my mom for example) whose main aspiration in life is to travel as much as possible make me feel like I am the crazy one for having the opposite opinion.

so, here are the reasons I don’t like travel now that I finally feel brave enough to express this opinion:

• it is expensive. when I say this, I am mainly referring to traveling abroad, but even traveling within your own country, when it’s as big, and as expensive, as the United States for example, can get pricey. transportation, lodgings, food, and most every activity you’re going to do during the trip itself all cost money and, in this economy, I just cannot be asked to drop hundreds of dollars on something that’s also going to be stressful and will require lots of labor in terms of planning and execution. to me, the money especially just isn’t worth it.

• it can be dangerous. okay maybe that’s my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) speaking but maybe not! planes and airports feel like disease incubators and spreaders, you never know what kind of people you might run into on a trip, or in a different country (though ofc there are dangerous people, and crime in general everywhere), but I feel like when traveling you are most vulnerable. if you don’t have insurance that works abroad and god forbid you get sick or injured, or get robbed, or attacked, or any infinite number of possibilities, dealing with it is just going to be a lot harder on a trip than it would have been at home.

• the stress of travels can bring out the worst in other people, and in you. in my lovely mom’s quest to get me to see the best of the world, she unfortunately ended up exposing me to the worst in people, including herself sometimes. ironically, I hardly remember any of the places we visited, or the sights we’d seen because I was still pretty young for a lot of it, but I vividly remember the feelings of anxiety, dread, and tiredness I’d come to associate with traveling. we’ve traveled with many different family members and friends, and I’ve witnessed arguments and disagreements over where to say, which touristic spot to go to, what to have for dinner, etc. I’ve also seen and felt my mom stressed about the money, about me and/or my brother getting sick, about cramming as many experiences as possible into a 4–5-day trip, among other things and having to walk on eggshells around her. saying I don’t want to do or see or eat something while abroad was out of the question - that would make me a most ungrateful child. after all, my parents worked and saved up for months to afford to give us this vacation, except I never asked for any of it. don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for getting to travel so much at a young age, but frankly I might have been happier spending summer vacation doing things in my city WITH my mom. there are warm memories I have from being as young as 3-6 years old going to the mall or the movies with my mom or dad, doing the simplest little things together like getting a slice of pizza. what I wanted when I was a kid was to hang out with my parents and for them be able to be carefree, relaxed and in a good mood, and traveling together as a family was often the opposite of that.

• the attitude of traveling can imply that wherever you’re going is different and exotic. after all, the reason we travel is to see and feel something different. but does this attitude rub anyone the wrong way? for the people who live wherever I am traveling whatever I am marveling at is the norm, that’s their life. this reeks of orientalism and even colonization; at least it is a similar line of thought, a similar worldview. don’t even get me started on how exploitative tourism can sometimes be (read more about it’s ties to modern day slavery and orphanage tourism in this short article). common tourist destinations often end up catering to tourists at the expense of their own culture, nature and local populations. people who work in the tourism industry are often not paid much, nor appreciated or shown respect by the tourists. many countries have begun taking action to stop overtourism (more on that here as well as here) as a result.

  “During my Paris wanderings, I would stare at people, intently inspecting their clothing, their demeanor, their interactions. I was trying to see the Frenchness in the French people around me. This is not a way to make friends.” - from The Case Against Travel in the New Yorker

• it’s bad for the environment. from tourists polluting local environments, to fossil fuels emitted by the different modes of transportation involved in travel (especially plains), to the overconsumption mode many go into during their travels, it’s all around just not great.

• post trip depression. another feeling I remember so distinctly from all my travels, is the depression that hits you when you get back home post trip. you feel tired and dirty from the flight or the train ride. you become unable to unpack your suitcase for weeks, and you dread going back to work/school/etc. over the many times I’ve traveled one thing I realized is that you don’t actually really change anything after coming back home from your travels, or even during your travels. it doesn’t make you a different, or better person. all it does is let you escape whatever responsibilities you have at home for a short period of time only to come back to be face to face with them again. the truth is, wherever you go you bring yourself, so if you have unresolved mental issues, they will be there with you no matter where you go. and, if you feel like your life isn’t going anywhere (pun intended), you will still feel that way after coming back to it. in order to change your life, you need to take action within it, not take action to escape it.

  “The single most important fact about tourism is this: we already know what we will be like when we return. A vacation is not like immigrating to a foreign country, or matriculating at a university, or starting a new job, or falling in love. We embark on those pursuits with the trepidation of one who enters a tunnel not knowing who she will be when she walks out. The traveller departs confident that she will come back with the same basic interests, political beliefs, and living arrangements. Travel is a boomerang. It drops you right where you started.” - from The Case Against Travel in the New Yorker
  

I can’t tell you how many matches I got on dating apps because people thought I took this in Japan. meanwhile it’s my local botanical garden.

can travel have a positive connotation, or rather not have a negative one? can it be justified?

the answer of course is yes. traveling for work, to see your family that live in a different country, traveling with a genuine reason or purpose is all good and great. I can even get behind the occasional tourist trip. what I’m against is not traveling overall, but rather the glorification of it.

do travel, but don’t expect it to be life changing and wonderful and perfect. be ready for how unpleasant, stressful, dangerous, and expensive it can be. treat the people, cultures and nature of where you travel with the most respect you possibly can. don’t travel just to say you did it, or to fit in with the trends, or showcase how well off you are.

and if like me, you’re choosing not to travel (at least abroad) in the nearest future whether for financial or other personal reasons here’s a short list of things you can do instead, to close this letter off:

• explore your town/city down to every last nook and cranny. try every cafe, library, park, garden, third space etc. that you can where you are right now.

• take a long walk without your phone (books are allowed). on the walk feel free to enter shops, bookstores or cafes.

• google a recipe from a cuisine you love, or one you’ve never tried before and attempt to make it at home, with whatever ingredients you can find locally.

• watch a movie/show shot in a different country or directed by someone from a different country. see how it compares to media from where you’re from or media you’re used to consuming.

• read a book translated from another language. (bonus: if you’re learning or know a different language attempt to read a book or watch a movie in it).

• listen to music in a different language.

• book a weekend at a hotel in your own city for a fun getaway/change of scenery.

• take the closest hike available to you (with friends for safety reasons).

• go to every (free) museum in your city/town.

• go to a local street market / grocery store / fair /garage sale.

• go to local events: whether they are crafty, exercise related or bookish, pick whatever you’ll enjoy most, or try something outside of your comfort zone.

• explore nearby towns that you can quickly and easily get to on public transportation if you get SO bored of your own city/town. turn it into a whole little day trip and romanticize the heck out of it. leave in the morning and come back at night (preferably in the summer to maximize the time it is safe to be outside) and plan what you’re going to do there in advance. I want to go on one of these trips to go thrifting in some nearby towns in the spring/summer.

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thank you so much for reading to the end. if you feel inclined to say thank you, but aren’t ready to commit to a paid subscription, consider buying me a coffee here. otherwise, I’m looking forward to your comments, and feedback. do you agree? do you disagree? have you ever thought about this at all? let me know <3

talk again soon,

- sab.